A Bastard Life

Those first few years of the curse was an adjusting period. I noticed I was being stalked but nothing seemed to be done to me. If the stalkers kept a reasonable distance I did not feel threatened. That was a mistake, a misconception on my part.

At that time I was in a catholic boys school, Mount Saint Charles Academy in Woonsocket Rhode Island. It had boarders and daystudents. I was a boarder. While at school, one month on month ends off, I had no social life. The school was run by Jesuits. The society of Jesus. Jesuits are real bastards. And there is also a quiet but persistent feel of homosexuality amongst them. From time to time young boys would get groped. But all the time there was that silence. It was like a permeating smell of a boys locker room.

The priest who had cursed me had a direct line to my father. My father had been compromised by the priest for being a poor husband and now dad did the bidding of the priest.

So my life had turned into shit. I was counting the years when I would graduate. I was biding my time.

The priest had plans for me. He wanted me to join the brotherhood. He wanted me to become a Jesuit. That would entail vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. He wanted me to lead a life of penance. He wanted me to live amongst them homosexuals and renounce the secular world. That is some shit I would never willingly do. But at that time I didn't know that was the priests plan for me.

I did my months in school. All boys, not a girl in sight. I went home on the month ends, half a day Friday, Saturday and back at school Sunday evening. I was stalked most of the month end. It was a bastard life. I was being trained, conditioned to endure it so when the time came the bastards of the church could shit on my life with impunity. I was being trained to be a whipping boy, a bastard Jesus. It was a conditioning.

Goddamn! What a bastard life!